I hooked up my accelerator pedal to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.

Make it idiot proof & someone will make a better idiot.

Write your questions down on the back of a $20 dollar bill and send them to me.

Chuck Norris: Devil didn't go down to Georgia looking for a soul to steal. Chuck went to Hell and told the Devil to get out.

Chuck Norris: People say the truth hurts, but it hurts a hell of a lot more when it comes from Chuck Norris.

I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.

Chuck Norris solved the Bermuda Triangle by using the Pythagorean theorem.

AOL for Dummies is kind of redundant, don't you think?.

Chuck Norris: Illegal steroids used by athletes are actually extracted essence of Chuck Norris.

Why be difficult? Put some effort in and be impossible.

I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you.

I know the guy who writes all those bumper stickers. He hates New York.

Don't drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill your drink.

Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Bumper sticker: Forget world peace. Visualize using your blinkers.

Joke Of The Day:
I intend to live forever - so far, so good.

Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.

Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving.

I have no objections to churches so long as they don't interfere with God's work. Brooks Atkinson.

How is being at a singles bar different than being at the circus? At the circus, the clowns don't talk.

I have my lucky tab and feeling epic

If five out of every ten people suffer from diarrhea, does that mean the other five enjoy it?

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

I wear my heart on my sleeve. I wear my liver on my pant leg.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

C program run. C program crash. C programmer quit.

When you lie down with dogs, you get up with fleas. Jean Harlow? 4More txt SUJ

If God had meant us to travel economy class, he would have made us narrower.

Yo mama's so fat, that when she was born, she gave the hospital stretch marks.

Chuck Norris, when clean-shaven, radiates the heat of 3 suns.

Just msg SorcerousLink

Chuck Norris remembers the Alamo, and he isn't happy about it. If u get Left 4 Dead 2 and the passing by Tommorrow u can join my Taaaank game