I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I'm good at everything.

Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.

I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.

Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.

Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.

You can tell you've drunk too much coffee when you answer the door before people knock. Stephen Wright. 4More txt SUJ

Why be difficult? Put some effort in and be impossible.

Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger by pointing at it and yelling, BANG!

I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart.

What is a cannibal's favorite game? Swallow the leader. 4More txt SUJ

Last week I forgot how to ride a bicycle.

Why did Dorothy get lost in Oz? She had three men giving her directions.

Crime doesn't pay, but the hours are good.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

When Chuck Norris goes home at night, he puts on cute little bunny slippers. With real. Live. Bunnies. Thank you, ChaCha!
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When there's a will, I want to be in it.